College Decisions!

Senior year threw itself at me this fall with a fierce and fiery sense of responsibility attached. During this past semester, I found myself dealing with a lot; everything from turning in Beta Club hours to moving out of my parents' house.
I wrote an 18-page paper on an experiment I designed and executed myself, I was elected secretary of the Beta Club, I took 5 classes, and a multitude of other little things presented themselves to me along the way.
Among the biggest and arguably most important things I did during the first semester of my senior year was apply for college. I applied to three, and was fortunate enough to have three awesome schools to choose from when it was all said and done.
I applied to Lenoir-Rhyne University in Hickory, Western Carolina University in Cullowhee, and Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan.

When I was accepted at Wayne State, I was glad, but I immediately discounted it. I did this not because it isn't a great school, but simply because I haven't really had the drive to attend college out of state. Between the tuition and the distance, I just haven't felt that option was really for me. (Not even for Detroit!)

Lenoir Rhyne was the school that everyone expected me to go to, and with good reason. As a little girl, I always told everyone that LR was where I wanted to go. for a long time, that was true. However, when I approached the time to decide on a college for real, rather than the pretend ideals of a child, I couldn't make myself say yes to Lenoir Rhyne. It's an amazing school and I have a lot of ties and history with it. However, I found that to be just the problem. I want a fresh start, as a lot of college students do. I feel like for me, Lenoir Rhyne just doesn't fit the way I always thought it would.

These decisions led to my ultimate choice for my next four years of education, which is Western Carolina University. Western is nestled in the mountains with beautiful weather and an equally beautiful campus. It's a little over two hours away, which is close but not too close, and it has some really incredible opportunities for me. I visited the campus in November and I really loved the feel of it, which I think is actually really important! I will have the opportunity to do some of my favorite things, like rock climbing and whitewater rafting, which I am very excited for. Right now, my major is listed as Psychology, but that is subject to change as I'm still figuring everything out.

I just wanted to put it out there, finally, that I made my decision, and I'm thrilled to be a Western Carolina Catamount!

Houston

Despite the fact that the National Youth Gathering that will take place in Houston is still close to two years away, in the summer of 2018, I find that the Gathering is on my mind a lot lately. You all most likely know the kind of experience I had at National Youth Gathering last summer in Detroit, and now I’m back with my thoughts for the participants of the gathering that will happen in just a short two years. (Trust me, the time flies by much faster than you think and will be filled with preparation!)

If I could give any piece of advice to youth traveling to Houston, it would be to revel in every single second. Not just from the moment you step on that bus or plane or settle into the seat of your car or van, but now. Don’t put off getting excited until you get there, or even until it’s almost time to leave. Get excited now. Take joy in every bit of preparation you and your church are doing even now. Take pleasure in fundraising, and don’t lose sight of the fact that you are doing all that work to give yourself and others in your youth group the chance of a lifetime, to experience something you will never, ever forget.

Secondly, the Gathering is fun. The big group events are amazing, worship sessions and singing and the people you meet, all of it is beyond exciting. But if you have the opportunity, dare to venture out. This is going to be something you are always going to remember. Don’t waste that. Take chances, do things you wouldn’t do at home, and see the city. That was among the most enjoyable parts of the gathering for me, the chance to immerse myself in the culture of Detroit. I would imagine that the same could be true for Houston, if you take the opportunity to see it. Meet people, experience things, and eat. Definitely eat. Food is among my best memories of National Youth Gathering, because food brings people together. See the sports and the sights and the people of the city you are serving.

That’s the other thing.

You are there to serve Houston. Houston is not there to serve you. You are sent out in this city to do more than have fun (although trust me, you will have fun.) You are send out to serve. To proclaim. To be the image, the representation, of a much bigger picture than you or your church, or your synod, even. You are the reflection of more than just the ELCA; you’re the reflection of Christ, and that is an undeniably powerful tool that you can’t take lightly! The people of Houston will feed off your energy. They will see your example, and it will impact you more than you realize. I learned that when 30,000 teenagers flooded the city last summer, Detroit found us a little hard to ignore. So be hard to ignore. Make friends and high-five strangers and talk to people. Don’t hesitate to venture out of the bubble. It would be easy, I think, to maintain a sort of wall between yourself and the city for most of the week, but don’t. I promise you will get more out of this experience if you live it, as intricately and deeply and with as much energy as you can.

I guarantee that Houston will change your life. You just have to let it, and it starts now. 

Romance

Romance

1)      A feeling of excitement or mystery associated with love

2)      A quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life

This definition of the word “romance” was one I found when I googled the words “definition of romance”. It was a simple act, googling the words. But what I learned from it, and the experiences that have led up to me typing that phrase into a search engine in the first place, was anything but simple.

I came to the realization recently that sometimes, I hold people and things in my life to a standard that was set incorrectly. Standards set by Nicholas Sparks novels and Disney movies and my own imagination are out of the realm of reality. It’s never going to end well if you expect someone to uphold those standards. To expect a man to be Noah Calhoun (The Notebook) or Prince Charming, is unfair not only to them, but also to yourself.

We are human beings. You and I, we’re humans. We’re not Disney princesses, we’re not romanticized heroines who are perfect. We are flawed and we have imperfections and we have characteristics about ourselves that we don’t like.

Guess what?

The ones we fall in love with are human beings, too. They are flawed and have imperfections and have characteristics about themselves that they don’t like. They’re not Prince Charming, and they’re not romanticized, perfect heroes. They, like you, are human beings.

I realized in the last couple of days that I have been approaching the idea of romance in entirely the wrong way. Expecting other people to uphold my standard of romance, or my standard of anything, is like expecting them to be just like me. I wouldn’t want to date myself, and my guess is that neither do you. When I put it like that in my head, the concept was laughable.

Our differences make us the unique and beautiful individuals that we are. I personally fell in love with someone who is incredibly unique and sometimes overwhelmingly so. It’s something that I love about him, but I realized that I was unconsciously combatting that quality in him that I love so much, because I was expecting him to see romance the same way that I do.

As it turns out, he doesn’t. And what I realized is that I don’t really want him to. I thought I did, at first, but now I see that if I got what I thought I wanted, I would be creating the most boring relationship ever. The definition of romance that I found on Google highlights the air of mystery that comes with romance. If everyone we ever dated had the same idea of romance that we do, we would be eliminating all the mystery from our relationships.

Like I said, boring.

So what I’ve learned through all of this is that just because he doesn’t think the way you do, doesn’t mean it can’t be a good thing. I have to learn to let go of some of my preconceptions and accept some of the realities of the thing that is more beautiful than Disney movies: real life.

And maybe when I let go of some of those preconceptions, I’ll find that what fills the space is even better than I had imagined in the first place. 

George

I’ve written and rewritten the post about my boyfriend about ten thousand times, never seeming to be able to get the words right. I’m known to have a way with words, but when it comes to George, I can’t ever seem to land on exactly the right ones. Sometimes I wonder if the right words have even been invented yet.

George and I started dating almost five months ago, on Valentine’s Day. Before that, I have to admit I crushed on him, and come to find out, he’s had a crush on me since freshman year. George is five-ten, with hair that he says is dirty blonde, but so far, I’ve only seen brown, and hazel eyes that I think are gorgeous but which he finds unremarkable. We’ve agreed to disagree on that. He also has a beautiful smile and gives amazing hugs. Despite the fact that I find George’s looks attractive, and always have, what I find that I love most about George are the things that make him who he is.

I’ve always known George was intelligent, but what I didn’t know until I got to know him well is that there’s more to it than that. His mind works in an incredible way which is both creative and analytical. He thinks in a manner unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and it keeps me on my toes, which I love. Besides that, underneath the exterior he presents to the world, George has the most beautiful spirit of anyone I’ve ever known. He’s kind and gentle, with a fierce protective side that I adore. George loves deeply and endlessly. He is a kind heart and a beautiful mind and a gentle spirit, and I love all of those things about him.

If you had asked me three years ago when we first met if I would be dating him now, I would never have dreamed of saying yes. The idea would have seemed beyond the scope of reality. Now, five months into the best relationship I’ve ever had, I don’t think it would be possible for me to be happier. George and I have had our relationship put to the test, there’s no question about that. But being with George is like being at home, like everything has been lined up the way it was intended. He’s one of the most frustrating and difficult people on the planet. He’s stubborn and when he gets an idea in his head, that’s simply the way it is. He procrastinates and ends up doing assignments that are due at 11:55 somewhere around 11:30, but has this infuriating yet impressive way of making an A anyway.

 But even as he spends an hour refusing to reply with anything more than one-word answers, he still manages to be one of the sweetest and most caring individuals I’ve ever known. The first migraine I had after we started dating, he called and said absolutely nothing for a while on the phone so that I could be in the quiet. When we had to be apart for spring break, he wrote a letter to me (after discarding an unknown number of drafts) so that I could read it through the week. He switched my stuffed cat for his Star Wars BuildABear, and is never hesitant to relinquish one of his shirts or jackets, even knowing he’ll run out of clothes if he keeps giving them to me. He never hesitates to share things with me, even food, which is impressive considering he loves food nearly as much as he loves me. (Maybe more than me, but we don’t talk about that.) He’s the kind of person who will do anything to make life better for the people they care about. I have no doubt that he would lay down his life for me in an instant, with no hesitation.

George has brought countless blessings into my life, from laughter to comfort to the simple joy of being with someone so incredible. I always wondered what it would be like to be with the right person, how that would feel and how I would know if it was right. Being with George has answered those questions for me. Having him in my home, comfortable and finding joy in things as simple as doing the dishes, or being in his home, where I found myself just as comfortable, just being a part of each other’s lives, has brought me a kind of contentment that I can’t even begin to express. Sharing in happy and sad days has brought us closer and I’m grateful. I’m grateful for his tolerance and strength, his protectiveness and his laughter, his ability to turn my day around, to keep me calm, and to share in my struggles, to take up the place beside me and make my issues his own, to take a stand with me regardless of my reasoning, just because it means that much to me. I’m grateful for the way he came into my life, his constant presence, and the comfort that I get from knowing he’s always there. But most of all, I’m grateful for his love, which is unconditional and endless.

If there was one thing I would want the world to know about George, it would be that he is easily the most loving and gentle person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. He’s more than what he puts out there for the world to see, and the continuing process of uncovering the layers that make him the person that he is has been, and continues to be, one of my greatest joys. I am blessed to call him mine.

Genius, I’ll love you ‘till the sun dies. 

100 Favorite Words

I am a lover of language. It may have something to do with the grueling grammar lessons I endured during my two years of homeschooling. Those two years were difficult and taught me a lot. We did a lot of grammar and sentence structure and The Scarlet Letter.

Perhaps that, in addition to my already established love of books and creative writing, so what fueled me to where I am now. I adore beautiful words, words that translate into thoughts that are deep and intense. So I decided to make a list of my 100 favorite words.

1)      Eloquent: fluent and clearly expressive in speech

2)      Exquisite: extremely beautiful and typically delicate

3)      Ardent: enthusiastic or passionate

4)      Ecumenical: representing a number of different Christian churches

5)      Intricate: very complicated or detailed

6)      Incandescence: light produced by high temperature

7)      Ethereal: Extremely delicate light, not of this world

8)      Demure: reserved and shy

9)      Celestial: supremely good

10)   Limerence: The feeling of being infatuated with another person

11)   Delicate: very fine in texture or structure

12)   Ephemeral: Lasting for a very short time

13)   Flutter: quick, light movements

14)   Eidetic: Relating to or denoting mental images having unusual vividness

15)   Flicker: make small, quick movements in light

16)   Enchanted: filled with great delight or charm

17)   Serendipity: The occurrence of events by chance in a pleasant way

18)   Elysian: Beautiful or creative

19)   Languid: slow and relaxed

20)   Onism: the awareness of how little of the world you will experience

21)   Kalopsia: The delusion of things being more beautiful than they actually are

22)   Petrichor: the smell of earth after rain

23)   Vellichor: the strange wistfulness of used bookstores

24)   Caim: Sanctuary, a circle of protection

25)   Amaranthine: undying, immortal, eternally beautiful

26)   Querencia: a place from which one’s strength is drawn

27)   Devastation: Great destruction or damage

28)   Liturgy: a form by which public religious worship is conducted

29)   Virulent: bitterly hostile

30)   Alleviate: Make less severe

31)   Decadent: Luxuriously self-indulgent

32)   Delectable: Delicious

33)   Tsondoku: Letting books pile up on floors and nightstands unread

34)   Emminent: used to emphasize the presence of a positive quality

35)   Eunoia: Beautiful thinking

36)   Sparkling: shining brightly with light

37)   Eutony: the pleasantness of a word’s sound

38)   Illicit: not legal or permitted

39)   Sonorous: an impossibly deep or full sound

40)   Matryoshka: each a set of brightly painted hollow wooden dolls of various sizes, designed to nest inside each other

41)   Epiphany: a moment of sudden revelation

42)   Expressive: effectively conveying a thought or feeling

43)   Mystical: inspiring a sense of spiritual mystery and fascination

44)   Flawless: Without any blemishes or imperfections; perfect

45)   Embrace: hold someone closely in one’s arms

46)   Enthralled: capture the fascinated attention of

47)   Chrysalism: the amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a storm

48)   Lullaby: a gentle, quiet song

49)   Tangible: perceived by touch

50)   Opia: the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye

51)   Acquiesce: submit or comply

52)   Felicity: pleasantness

53)   Lithe: slender and flexible

54)   Opulent: lush, luxurious

55)   Palimpsest: a manuscript written over earlier ones

56)   Panacea: a solution for all problems

57)   Quintessential: Most essential

58)   Resplendence: dazzling in appearance

59)   Vespertine: relating to the evening

60)   Malevolence: wishing evil or harm to others

61)   Synedoche: simultaneous understanding

62)   Cadence: a modulation or inflection of the voice

63)   Wonder: a feeling or surprised admiration caused by something inexplicably beautiful

64)   Entropy: lack of order or predictability

65)   Sans: without

66)   Wanderlust: a strong desire to travel

67)   Eschew: deliberately avoid using

68)   Dazzling: extremely bright

69)   Adore: Love and respect deeply

70)   Seduction: a tempting or attracting thing

71)   Exotic: Originating in characteristics of a foreign place

72)   Lavishing: bestow something in generous or extravagant quantities

73)   Gallant: brave or heroic

74)   Aura: distinct atmosphere or quality seeming to surround someone

75)   Mystique: A fascinating air of mystery

76)   Recognizance: a bond someone takes to appear when summoned

77)   Acumen: the ability to make good judgments and quick decisions

78)   Breathtaking: astonishing or awe-inspiring

79)   Archaic: No longer in everyday use; of an early period

80)   Macabre: disturbing in its connection with death and injury

81)   Intrinsic: Belonging naturally; essential

82)   Cadaveric: the adjective form of cadaver

83)   Charismatic: exercising a compelling charm that inspires devotion in others

84)   Komorelu: sunlight filtering through trees

85)   Hiraeth: homesickness for a place you can no longer return to

86)   Solitude: a state of seclusion

87)   Ineffable: too great to be expressed in words

88)   Meraki: to do with the soul

89)   Epoch: a particular period in history

90)   Melliflous: a sound that is smooth, sweet, and pleasing

91)   Strepitous: boisterous, noisy

92)   Fragile: delicate, vulnerable

93)   Paraluman: a muse that inspires artistically

94)   Oblivion: the state of being unaware of what is happening around you

95)   Redamancy: a love returned in full

96)   Denouement: the resolution of a narrative

97)   Supirianation: a frustration with misinterpretation of your meaning

98)   Nyctophilia: a love of the night

99)   Metanoia: The journey of changing one’s mind, heart, or self

100)                       Gazpacho: a soup made pf raw vegetables with a tomato base

Thankful

 Expressing my love for the Thanksgiving/Christmas Season 

 

First of all, I know it has been a really long time since my last post. It’s insane to me that the last time I hit the little orange “publish” button for this blog, the most viewed post had only a little over a hundred pageviews. When I think back on that crazy week of my summer, I am still overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and recognition I received for my letter to Detroit.

That said, I’m back! Junior year swept me off my feet with all the work and extracurricular that appeared from the very first day of school onward. Now, as the first semester begins to wind down and my teachers are panicking and talking about exams, I am finding myself very reflective, and with Thanksgiving approaching fast, I have so much to be thankful for.

In October of 2014, an electrical fire broke out at my house. I never knew how devastating something like that could be. I like to think myself a spiritually grounded person, and I think most of the time,  I am. But as a sixteen-year-old girl growing up in lower middle-class, 21^st-century America, I can be pretty materialistic. Losing nearly all of my clothes and most of my possessions while trying to navigate my sophomore year of high school was not easy. Life at home became increasingly difficult, because tensions ran really high. Moving is stressful when you are prepared for it. Imagine having to pack up a house that is smoke-damaged, waterlogged, and half ruined, all in a weekend. Having to sort through and clean everything, on top of buying new things and handling the many generous donations we got, on top of moving into a too-small-for-us home…well, overwhelming is an understatement.

That was just over a year ago now, and earlier this month, we finally got to go home. I am so joyful to be back in our house. The house that I call home may not look like much, but it was my safe haven when I needed that more than anything else in my life. It represents a stability that I am so grateful to have. There are still boxes everywhere, and we aren’t nearly as organized as we would like to be, but we’re getting there. The house is starting to feel like ours, more than it did even before the fire. I think an experience like that is such a teachable moment. Being back home, I take so much more ownership and pride than I did before. I can’t take it for granted anymore, because I know what it’s like not to have that. I never appreciated our 1,200 square feet more than I do now.

The holidays have always held such significance for me. I am one of those people who absolutely adores Christmas. It arrives 23 days after my birthday each year, so the month of December is always a joyful time for me. When I was younger, we would spend Thanksgiving with my Maw-Maw, and holidays without her are always hard. But as I prepare for Thanksgiving this week, which we are spending in our home, I am beyond grateful. I love holiday preparation; the food, the decorations, the music. Thanksgiving afternoon was always spent decorating my Maw-Maw’s Christmas tree, and I love that tradition. It’s things like that, in my opinion, that make the holiday season so special. There’s endless nostalgia surrounding Christmastime, and I relish those sorts of things.

So this week, we are working through the boxes to make shopping lists, and organizing cabinets to house groceries. We’re making room for Christmas decoration, solely for the tradition of it (my family and I aren’t even staying in town for Christmas this year), and I’m setting the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade to record on the DVR because for my dad to miss the football game would be treason in the Mattheis house, and we can’t have that. On Thursday, I will be making a pie from a recipe that I have never needed to write down, because my Maw-Maw taught it to me when I was so little that I had to sit on the counter. This coming weekend, I will get to hang all my ornaments on the tree, and hang my stocking, and put the jingle bell collars on my dogs. We’ll put out red candles and change the scent in our wax warmer to something more Christmas-y. Soon, I’ll get to start wrapping Christmas presents, and we’ll make Christmas treats and I’ll wear my candy-cane earrings.

All of that is happening, and this week, I am so much more thankful for what I have than I can recall ever being. I am truly blessed, despite my struggles, and because of them. So I take this opportunity to wish you and yours a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving.

A Letter To Detroit From A National Youth Gathering Participant

Dear Detroit,

My name is Cassie and I'm from a small town in North Carolina, where our largest building is Wal-Mart. I have always wanted to experience life in a big city, and you did not disappoint, but rather exceeded my expectations. You see, I was expecting a city filled with broken dreams and shattered glass, a city devoid of life and hope. I expected a scene of desolation against the backdrop of a dead city.

But you are not dead. You are so very much alive. You destroyed all of my preconceptions the minute I set foot on your gorgeous riverwalk and was exposed to the cultural diversity and breathtaking views you offered me. I saw the opposite of what I expected; I saw bike riders and people reading books and children playing in the fountain. I saw so much life, even after mere minutes of being there. And that first night, my group ventured into Greektown, and Monroe became my favorite street in all of a minute. It was still daylight out, but the criss-crossing lights that hung above the street had me hooked at first glance. I was entertained and enamored by your people, your mannerisms, and your atmosphere. (Not to mention the food, which is absolutely delectable).

Over the week, I saw your bad side. (the area around 8-mile road was pretty sketchy). I saw your homeless, your penniless, your dirty and your somewhat terrifying drunk Tigers fans. I saw your houses adorned with neon yellow signs that read, "Will Demolish". But I also saw your beauty. I saw your culture. I saw your parks. I saw your police; on boats, cars, horses, and bicycles. I saw your sports. I saw your riverwalk. I heard your music. I saw your street drummers and the guy playing the trumpet in Greektown. I saw your public buses, your taxis, your people mover. I saw your graffiti and your mosaics. I saw your alleys and your crosswalks. I saw Astoria Pastry Shop every single night I was there. I saw your stunning architecture and I ate your food. We rapped with a car full of your people as they drove beside us on our walk back to our hotel one night. I saw one of your artists sketching on a street corner and my dad bought me a rose from one of your people selling flowers on Monroe. I saw your Times Square and your Broadway. I heard your concerts and experienced your weather. I felt your rain, your breezes, and your sunshine. I sang in your streets and weeded your flowerbeds. I talked to your citizens. I heard your spoken word and the testimony of those who belong to you. I served and worshipped and learned and laughed in your city. And I fell in love with it.

I saw your life. I saw your hope and your future, but I also saw your present and it is so far from dead. I want to bring every single person who said to me, "Detroit? Why are you going there? So you can get shot?" and I want to show them the Detroit I got to see because there are a million reasons to see everything you showed me.

I came to see your for the first time as one in 30,000 teenagers. We all blended together for you, I'm sure,with our brightly colored tee-shirts, inordinate amounts of cheerfulness, backpacks and water bottles, not to mention the fact that we all seemed to know each other. You may have tired of our endless happiness, constant singing, or our multitude of high-fives and clothespins. Perhaps by the end of the week, you were ready to back to being "too-cool-for-you hipster" and leave the Disneyland vibe behind. You may have been ready to have your streets back at night, and not packed with teens singing the National Anthem for no reason at all. I'm sure your restaurants were ready to return to normal dinner crowds instead of being overcrowded by people clad in neon orange.

But I want to say thank you. Thank you a million times for putting up with the ELCA Youth Gathering 2015, because it wouldn't have been the same without you. Thank you for proving me wrong, and for showing me just how alive and vibrant and wonderful you really are.

I love you, Detroit.

Until Next Time,

Cassie